Once he entered the league, I couldn’t stand the ¾ arm slot, mother truckin’ the refs, trash talkin’ gunslinger who has no regard for overpopulating our planet. However, since Old Man Rivers entered the twilight of his career, I’ve developed a soft spot watching him desperately try to bring his team back every week and scream at everyone around him. Like clockwork, his team would be down 2 scores with 3 minutes left, no timeouts, with little hope to win and he still had as much fire as he did when the Chargers were actually competitive. If 2020 taught me anything, the line between love and hate is as razor thin as Phil’s chance of getting a vasectomy; so in honor of Philip Rivers trash talking the GOAT Jay Cutler on Christmas Eve, here are 6 of my favorite memories/traits of the Broncos’ most sackable villain.
- The torn ACL game
Although this game made me question my manhood at the age of 13, Rivers treated his knee like his vas deferens–abusing it ‘till it couldn’t take it anymore. In all seriousness, in one of the gutsiest performances of all time, Phil played an entire game on a torn ACL in the 2007 AFC Championship in a heartbreaking loss to the Patriots, one of 252 straight games started.
- 2006 comeback vs Broncos on SNF
I didn’t say they were great memories. I was at this game (shout out Aunt Peggy and Tracy) when Rivers tore me and my 2 friends’ hearts out with a 24-7 comeback, bringing an end to my undefeated streak when watching the Broncos in person. Tomlinson ran all over the Broncos defense in the 4th quarter and in typical Rivers fashion he was trash talking the fans exiting the field.
- The fact his family is at 11 members so he could actually field a football team
In typical football guy fashion, Philip Rivers has such great attention to detail that he has enough children to field a football team. With 9 children, he and his wife finally have enough children to challenge Antonio Rodgers-Cromartie and his 14 children.
- Bolo ties
I love that Rivers could rock a bolo tie after a demoralizing loss. Nothing more to say here, google his bolo tie. After a game he’d go from the powder blue jerseys straight to the official neckwear of Arizona–SWAG.
- His fiery spirit
I know the guy doesn’t actually cuss, but dadgum it, Phil could absolutely go off on a ref and somehow not get penalized. Here is a clip of him taking off his helmet to chew out the refs. The guy also seemed to live life by breaking the huddle with 8 seconds on the play clock. How many times did we see him desperately sprinting to line, clapping his hands and cussing out his center for not snapping the ball? Hopefully he’s not as much of a procrastinator in his second career.
- Anytime the guy was mic’d up and talking trash
Probably could’ve gone with the last trait, but how could this not be alone on the list (and at Cutler’s #6, no less). Arguably the greatest G-rated trash talker of all time, Phil Rivers would still give you the business with his team down 8 and 30 seconds on the clock. Whether it was him getting up and screaming in Yannick Ngakoue’s ear, “90 YARD TOUCHDOWN” right after he helped Phil up or trash talking Mike Tomlin-his mic’d up highlights are a must see.
Thank you for what you did for the game, HoFer Phil Rivers- Nunc Incipio.
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The Morning Flush 