After an incredible tournament and a whacky Masters, I’m ready to shift my attention to the NFL draft. Not to shit on hockey and basketball (I’ll start watching the NBA in the conference finals), but football is still king in this country. After the ‘9ers traded up to 3, it’s pretty clear what the top picks in the draft are headed, but let’s check out the rest of the first round.
Jacksonville Jaguars: QB Trevor Lawrence- Clemson
No brainer, the Jets are officially on the clock. Unless they bring in that mercenary Urban Meyer, who then takes power from Shad Khan, relocates the Jaguars to Columbus, Ohio and creates a feeder system with Ohio State. Do you really want your business associated with a man with terrible ethics, a thirst for power and coincidental migraines when things don’t go his way, Mr. Khan? At least you have your quarterback for the next 15 years.
New York Jets: QB Zach Wilson-BYU
I originally thought this was going to be Justin Fields, but it sounds like the Jets are interested more in Zach Wilson. I would still rather roll with Sam Darnold and get help around him, but it’s the Jets. No matter what decision they make, it will definitely be the wrong one.
San Francisco 49ers: QB Justin Fields-Ohio State
I originally thought the dolphins would move out of this spot and they did. They need help around Tua and add depth to their talented defensive roster, and moving back 3 spots will ensure they still get an explosive weapon. This is a great situation for Fields and Shannahan will finally have HIS guy.
Atlanta Falcons: TE Kyle Pitts-Florida
The Falcons really need an Edge rusher, but you really think a former Tight Ends coach is going to pass up on a potential generational talent at tight end? The Falcons still need to clear up some cap space, but clearly the talent is there for them to make a run at the playoffs this year (I feel like we’ve said that every year since the historical choke job though). I love this pick, maybe Matt Ryan will quietly throw for a billion yards again this year.
Cincinnati Bengals: OT Penei Sewell-Oregon
What the Bengals have done to AJ Green’s career should be illegal and I’ll be damned if they do the same to our sweet prince Joe Burrow. Draft as many offensive linemen as you possibly can, PLEASE. Sewell opted out of 2020, so if you don’t know who he is, don’t worry you’re in the majority. All you need to know is he is a monster who will protect the face of the franchise for the rest of his career, so please don’t mess this up Zach Taylor.
Miami Dolphins: WR DeVonta Smith-Alabama
Miami was smart to trade out of their 3rd spot. They were able to get future picks to trade back into the top 10 after a group of QB needy teams and teams with different needs than their own. I think they will still have the pick of the litter between DeVonta Smith, Jaylen Waddle and Ja’Marr Chase. The Bengals might snatch him up before, but it’d be very Cincinnati of them to not pick a franchise Left Tackle to protect Joe Burrow.
Detroit Lions: WR Ja’Marr Chase-LSU
I have no idea what the Lions will do here, but taking the best available player here seems like a smart move. They’re in a pretty nice spot where they’re clearly rebuilding, have holes everywhere in their roster to fill, but the presence of Jared Goff allows them to wait until they find their guy at QB. He will absolutely screw up what should be a tank job for the Lions, but Motor City Dan Campbell would rather chew your knee cap off than lose on purpose. Putting the cart before the horse and building up the team before getting a franchise QB actually sounds like a good strategy.
Carolina Panthers: LB Micah Parsons-Penn State
The Panthers are hot on the trail of a Quarterback and have forcibly put their name into every conversation. I love their gusto, but I think they’ll miss out this year and will probably have to roll with hog-packin’ Teddy Two gloves again this year. Parsons is one of the few guys in the country with first round talent, but it will be interesting to see how teams evaluate guys who missed the 2020 season and have a history of off field issues… I miss Luke Kuechley. I could also see Matt Rhule using this pick on a napkin to clean the drool of his stupid smocks and maybe Trey Lance. EDIT: With the addition of Lego Fireman character Sam Darnold, the hog size on aggregate in the locker room has diminished, however, they can check QB off the list…for now.
New England Patriots (from Denver Broncos): QB Mac Jones-Alabama
After years of stock-piling middle round picks from trading back, Bill Belichick trades up to get Mac Jones from his ol’ buddy Nick Saban. I’m not 100% sold on Mac Jones, but I am sold on him with the Patriots. Cam Newton cannot possibly be as terrible as he was last year, so maybe he gives the kid some time to grow out of his combover and become a franchise quarterback. The Pats are back.
Dallas Cowboys: OT Christian Darrisaw-VT
Mike McCarthy and his garbage brains were 4-10 in games he didn’t smash watermelons, leaving the opaque Gallagher one watermelon game short of the playoffs. The Cowboys’ offensive line desperately needs help and Darrisaw looked great against ACC competition….making it the smart pick; however, we all know this pick 100% depends on how much Johnny Walker Blue Jerry Jones drinks on draft night. I can see him with Mike McCarthy in the war room now, “To hell with it fat boy, let’s go get Ja’Marr Chase from LSU…YEE YEE!”…I could also see them getting Patrick Surtain…
New York Giants: EDGE Kwity Paye- Michigan
The Giants actually look like they’re trying to build around Daniel Jones rather than punting on Eli Manning 2.0. I love the acquisition of Kenny Golladay, and I could see them going after a versatile O-lineman such as Elijah Vera-Tucker as well, but I like them going after an Edge rusher to free up their great interior defensive line. Paye is going to be a problem for shitty NFC East offensive lines and might put up DROY numbers in that joke of a division.
Philadelphia Eagles: WR Jaylen Waddle-Alabama
The Eagles are in an absolute rebuild just 3 years after winning a Superbowl. They finally started reading my tweets and got rid of spineless Doug Pederson, just to replace him with a rambling stooge who was the offensive coordinator for Doug Pederson’s ex-offensive coordinator. I love Jaylen Waddle and he easily could’ve won the heisman if he hadn’t broken his ankle. He may not be as versatile as DeVonta Smith, but he will be a great weapon for Jaylen Hurts.
LA Chargers: OT Rashawn Slater-Northwestern
I’ve seen some mock drafts with him as high as number five, but I’m not going to bullshit you, I have no idea how good these lineman actually are. I don’t grind the tape on these guys and give you informed opinions, but he’s good and other people like him too. The Chargers have already added a ton of help to this offensive line with a gaping hole at LT still. I could also see Caleb Farley or Jaycee Horn coming off the board here as well.
Minnesota Vikings: EDGE Gregory Rousseau-Miami
There’s no question Minnesota’s defense stunk last year, they were one of my favorite teams to hammer the over. They added a tank with Dalvin Tomlinson from the Giants to beef up their interior, but they were dead last in just about every single pass rush category last year. This team lost a ton of defensive talent last offseason and are still trying to recover.
Denver Broncos(from NE Patriots): RB Najee Harris- Alabama
After a run on Quarterbacks and seeing Michah Parsons picked ahead of them, the Broncos trade back and acquire assets. The Broncos went into this season in desperate need of a Cornerback, but after the acquisitions of Ronald Darby and Kyle Fuller, the secondary suddenly looks great. I still love Bryce Callahan who is a great third option and Michael Ojemudia showed flashes in the pan as well. We could still go after a RT in this draft, but I love going with a splash pick and adding MORE weapons to what can be an explosive offense if Drew Lock figures it out.
Arizona Cardinals: CB Caleb Farley- Virginia Tech
This is an absolute steal in a draft class loaded with CB talent. I was hoping for him to fall to the Broncos before they upgraded their secondary, but he will be a nice replacement to the dearly departed Patrick Peterson. Hopefully doo doo brains Kingsbury doesn’t screw this one up.
Las Vegas Raiders: IOL Elijah Vera-Tucker-USC
Everytime I see the Raiders on the clock in the First Round I expect a WR to come off the board. If they’re smart, they’ll look to upgrade their average to below-average trenches on both sides of the ball. I’ll go with versatile OL Elijah Vera-Tucker knowing damn well Gruden is going speed in the first round (maybe Rashod Bateman??).
After going with a playmaker in the top-10 and the Broncos spoiling their Najee Harris plans, the Dolphins find themselves in a good situation to take an ancillary need or trade back (again). I’m a fan of trading back, but I’m not sure if Brian Flores can help himself with a plethora of pass rushers on the board and the front office not signing anyone during free agency. Ojulari is a lighting-fast, undersized, top rated Edge rusher according to Pro Football Focus.
Washington Football Team: Trey Lance-North Dakota State
I’m not 100% sold on Trey Lance, but of course some team will go all out to get him at some point in this draft. I’ve avoided trades for the most part, but I could easily see a team sneak into the top-10 to nab him. I’ll keep it conservative and go with an obvious pick. Whether the Football team tries to groom Taylor Heineke or drafts Trey Lance, either will be lucky to learn behind the GOAT, Fitzmagic.
Chicago Bears: OT Teven Jenkins-Oklahoma State
After signing their franchise Quarterback Andy Dalton, the Bears are set to make a championship run. All they need is some offensive line help… This is clearly not a sexy pick, but the Bears haven’t done anything sexy all offseason. I would like to see them take a receiver such as Rashod Bateman or grab one of these great Corners in this year’s draft, but no matter what, Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy will make the wrong choice.
Indianapolis Colts: WR Rashod Bateman-Minnesota
Indianapolis already has some firepower with Jonathon Taylor and T.Y. Hilton, but with the Chiefs in the AFC, I expect teams to start an arms race by adding as many weapons as possible. I’m interested to see how teams will grade guys who sat out 2020, but Bateman was an absolute monster for the Gophers his first 2 years with the team with over 110 receptions, over 1900 yards and 17 tds along with second team All-American honors and a Biletnikoff semi-finalist. Now that Carson Wentz is away from that stooge Doug Pederson we’ll see a renaissance to his career with a ton of weapons and a location he feels more comfortable in.
Tennessee Titans: CB Patrick Surtain II-Alabama
How the fuck did I have Patrick Surtain falling this far in the draft… If he does, Tennessee better be kissing the ass of every dip shit GM who passed on this dude, because this is a steal. I think we will see a run on Corners to close out the draft and this would be a perfect situation for both parties. Vrabel will purt-near choke on his horseshoe dip spit if this comes to fruition.
One of the perks of having a need at literally every position on your roster is the ability to pick the best available player in the draft. Robert Saleh appeased the franchise and their fanbase by getting their quarterback of the future, but he’ll be fired up to get a corner to replace Blessuan Austin or whoever the hell is on that roster.
Pittsburgh Steelers: OT Sam Cosmi-Texas
Since Big Ben has decided to selfishly return instead of ride off into the sunset, the Steelers need to look to keep him out of his walking boot for as long as possible. I’m not saying Big Ben is out here faking injuries, but when is he not on the injury report for a lingering injury? Hopefully adding some depth up front will help him actually stay healthy.
The Jags are in a similar position to the Jets where you can throw a dart at their depth chart and there will be a need. After losing Yannick Ngakoue in free agency, the Jaguars need another competent edge rusher opposite of Josh Allen. The pairing of Josh Allen and Jaelan Phillips will be familiar to Phillips who had a stud opposite of him at Miami in Gregory Rosseau.
Cleveland Browns: LB Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah- Notre Dame
Don’t ask me to say his name, but he’ll help fill a void in the Browns’ defense. After seeing several edge rushers go off the board in front of them and lack of first-round talent at the tail end of the first round, the Browns should be happy to settle with this dude.
Baltimore Ravens: WR Terrace Marshall-LSU
General Manager Eric DeCosta has a track record of taking the best player available…but if they don’t take a receiver in the first round, he might get booed out of Baltimore. When it comes to building a receiving corps, Michael Lombardi talks about it like building a basketball team. Right now, they have a bruiser inside with Mark Andrus and a speedy receiver in Hollywood Brown, but they don’t have that matchup nightmare outside. At 6’3 200–Terrace Marshall could be that guy, but I could see them trading up to get a guy, maybe using the Orlando Brown Jr. trade chip they’ve been holding onto?
New Orleans Saints: CB Asante Samuel Jr. -FSU
It makes me feel old as shit seeing Jr next to these names I recognized from my childhood. The Saints desperately need help at corner after losing Janoris Jenkins from the salary cap hell they put themselves into. There are several Corner hungry teams behind them who may trade up, but they’d be very fortunate to have Asante Samuel fall to them.
Green Bay Packers: CB Greg Newsome II-Northwestern
What the fuck’s the difference between someone being the second and someone being junior? These generational names confuse the shit out of me and if someone could explain it to me like I’m 5, that’d be great. The Packers find themselves with holes in key spots such as receiver (every year), O-line and corner, but the memory of Scott “Scooty” Miller burning Kevin King like granddaddy’s toast is scorched into my brain. It’s Rahim Moore-esque (sorry fellow Broncos fans) and great receivers don’t win you Superbowls, but bolstering that defense might get the Packers close.
Buffalo Bills: DT Christian Barmore-Alabama
The Bills run defense stunk last year, here’s a big body to fill some holes. Need anything more? The guy also was the highest graded pass rusher from the interior as well according to Pro Football Focus. Circle the Wagons.
Kansas City Chiefs: OT Alex Leatherwood-Alabama
What a name for an offensive tackle. When this dude popped out of the womb, his daddy’s eyes lit up because he knew he had an NFL lineman in his hands. Leatherwood (lol) has some pretty slow feet and has the tendency of getting cornered, so I think he’ll play more Right Tackle, but anything has to be an upgrade from what Patty Mahomes saw in the Superbowl…somehow that line got worse?!
Tompa Brady Gronkaneers: QB Kyle Trask-Florida
It’s actually ridonkulous how talented this roster still is and how ready they are to repeat as champs. After the funnest Superbowl parade in the history of parades, Tom Brady has a great chance to throw back some AvOcAdooo TeKilAaa again. This allows the front office to look toward the future and take a chance on a dude who was projected as a top-3 quarterback heading into the season. Everyone is knocking him for his bowl game performance, but his top 2 targets, Tuney and Pitts, opted out a week before the game. He’s talented and athletic and deserves more of a shot than Trey Lance if you ask me. You can’t knock him for the talent he had around him and not do the same to Mac Jones.
I’m an NFL draft nerd who has it on in the background from the beginning to the end, so these next two weeks can’t go fast enough. Have a great Wednesday everyone, love you, bye.
The Morning Flush 