I’ve him-hawed around whether I should do draft grades or best available…but it’s an obvious answer…DRAFT GRADES. I’ve always found giving out draft grades after the first round to be flatline moronic, but I’m in this thing for the attention and the clicks because I’m a narcissist who needs your feedback. To hell with the pleasantries, let’s get into it, shall we?
A: Awesome. (We don’t give out A+, this is ‘Merica)
Maybe Bob Saleh is going to turn this organization around after all. They got their guy at 3 and I loved the move to go up and get the versatile Alijah Vera-Tucker at 14. They still have holes all over their roster, but at least they got a quarterback and a guy to protect him.
2.
Yeah, I’m grading these picks based off what I had mocked up, and I nailed the Rashawn Slater pick. Credit to me for being so awesome, but maybe a tiny bit of credit to the Chargers for realizing they have a gem at QB and need to protect him.
3.
The Pats got their guy and didn’t have to do a damn thing. They’re back. I’m not sold on Mac Jones, I think he’s a stiff white dude who had a ton of talent around him at Bama, but I’ll give this an A solely on the fact people thought the Pats had to trade up and they stayed strong. And if you needed more confirmation that Paul Finebaum is a flatline gasbag stooge, here’s a boneheaded take from him this morning about Bill Belichick getting lazy. I want to say “how does this buffoon have a job?”, but he’s everything I aspire to be, so I guess I gotta tip my cap to him. Congrats on building a career out of hillbilly callers and absurd takes.
4. 
I actually feel kinda dumb for giving some of these teams an A when all they did was stay put and a guy fell to them, but Kwity Paye was the best pass rusher in the country in my expert opinion and the Colts didn’t reach for him. Good job.
5. 
The Lions got a premier Left Tackle to protect whoever the quarterback of the future will be down the road. I like putting the cart before the horse. Build up your team, then get your guy so you can win with him on his rookie deal. I’m excited to see what day 2 and 3 has for Motor City Dan Campbell.
6. 
The Titans got arguably the best corner in the draft in Caleb Farley. I love the dude and they benefited from other teams shying away from him after his back surgery.
B: Good, BUTT.
I love Christian Darrisaw, don’t get me wrong, but the only thing keeping this from being an A is that it’s an ancillary need on a team that couldn’t stop a nosebleed last year. This wasn’t a great draft class for edge rushers, but Gregory Rousseau was still on the board. Maybe they don’t have him rated as high as I do, but I do love the move to trade back. They now have 4 picks in the 3rd to package together and move into the second round if they want. They need a safety and Trevon Moehring is still available. 
I should be more hyped about this pick, they got the second best quarterback at 11. My biggest butt comes from the asshats that are Matt Nagy and Ryan Pace. I don’t trust them to get Justin Fields help or develop him. 
The Falcons took who they were supposed to take. I love Kyle Pitts, my biggest butt is it was an ancillary need. A+ player, not a big need. The bright side is they couldn’t screw this pick up. 
The Eagles only had to give up a third round pick to move up and get their guy. I love the pick–my biggest butt is the lack of sand in the ass of some of their playmakers. DeVonta Smith is 166 lbs with toothpick legs and Jaylen Hurts isn’t exactly your prototypical QB size. 
The Steelers did what they had to do. Everyone and their dog (other than me) had the Steelers taking Najee Harris in the first round. I still would’ve liked to see them get a lineman to protect Benjamin, but a solid pick. 
A+ pick with Trevor Lawrence, I just don’t love the Ettiene pick toward the end of round one. They have a ton of needs all over their roster and need to keep their prized quarterback upright. I would’ve liked to see Teven Jenkins at 25, butt he’s still on the board, so what do I know. I hope for Lawrence’s sake he’s the first pick in the second. 
I’m so glad Kyle Shannahan didn’t overpay for Mac Jones. I still think it’s a ton to give up for a guy who won’t be your day one starter, butt I have faith Trey Lance will be a stud in that system.
C: Coulda been better
This really should be a B pick, however, this pick won’t be judged based on Surtain’s performance, but rather Justin Fields’ performance. If he goes on to be a stud and Drew Lock can’t take the next step with all those weapons on offense, this will be a pick we look back on for years. 
They have Leighton Vander Esch and Jaylon Smith. Vander Esch has shown some wear and tear the last few years, but he’s still a great player. I love Micah Parsons, but it’s a high price tag for a rotational player in a stacked linebacker room. 
A bit of a reach, but I love the pick. I would’ve liked to see them trade back, but in my dumb brain there aren’t enough teams to trade up to always trade back. I love Jamin Davis, I called him the most underrated player in this draft in my Defensive Big Board post, they just could’ve got him later. 
The more I think about the Gregory Rosseau pick, the less I hate it. I originally wanted to call this a D because they need help in the middle of their defense where teams gashed them last year, but they also need edge rushers too. It’S a QuArTeRbAcK dRiVeN lEaGuE…therefore there’s a premium on getting guys who can go after the QB. Hopefully he can help contain Patty Mahomes in next year’s AFC Championship game. 
I really wanted them to go linebacker, but JOK is still on the board so what the hell do I know. I don’t hate Greg Newsome II, he was drafted around where I thought he’d be drafted, but I hope they have a plan for their atrocious middle of their defense. 
I love the Jaylen Waddle pick. I argued all year he easily could’ve been the heisman if he hadn’t busted up his ankle. I’m not a huge fan of the Jaelan Phillips pick. Kwity Paye and Gregory Rousseau were still on the board, but Brian Flores is probably smarter than me when it comes to edge rushers. Pretty sick this kid gets to stay in Miami though. 
I love that they traded back after their guy was taken right in front of their face by a division rival, but I’m not sold on Kadarius Toney. I think there was a significant drop off after the first 5 pass catchers, I would’ve rather seen Rashod Bateman go here, I’m just a dumb-dumb brains with a small blog. 
I should probably grade this pick higher because regardless of what the Bucs did they would’ve been graded a C. They don’t have any glaring needs on their roster and they added another pass rusher to harass Patrick Mahomes next Super Bowl. Fuck me. 
The Jags, Eagles and Bengals all reunited their young quarterbacks with familiar weapons, but I really wanted to see the Bung-holes get someone to protect Joe Burrow. Ja’Marr Chase is a beast and I love the guy, but Burrow is gonna be running for his life. Actually, the more I look at this pick, the more I hate it. You know what….
D: Dumbassery
- This is where you belong, losers.
Maybe Matt Rhule slobbered on the card they handed in and fudged the writing. I don’t hate Jaycee Horn, and I’m sure this scouting department knows what it’s doing………probably not. I just think Surtain and Farley were better and they could’ve got a ton from a QB hungry team. 
A lot of “experts” rated Leatherwood as a 2nd round pick and will probably pan out more as a guard than tackle in the league, making this a big reach. I don’t hate Leatherwood (I had him late in my first round of my mock draft), I just think the Raiders had other options at tackle if they wanted one or could’ve waited until round 2 if they needed a guard. 
If we’re grading individual picks, I’ll give Rashod Bateman a B and Jayson Oweh an F. Oweh is a freak athlete and they need an edge rusher, but can you really justify drafting an edge rusher who didn’t have a sack last year? That’d be like drafting a wide receiver who didn’t didn’t have a touchdown reception. That’s like calling your restaurant “Whataburger” when the best thing on your menu is the honey-chicken biscuit, don’t make no sense. 
Again, I don’t hate the pick, I just dislike where they picked Zaven Collins. Maybe they tried to get on the horn and call up someone to trade back and failed, but they reached a bit here. I also have zero faith in the coaching staff to get the most out of anyone on their roster.
F: Fuckin’ stupid
You’re not going to get a perennial pro-bowler with the name “Payton Turner”. Shaun Payton might be as narcissistic as I am and drafted this dude solely because Turner has the same first name as his last name. 
Half of this is the pick, the other half of this is Goon-ta-cuntz and Leeefleu-r ruffling Aaron Rodgers’ feathers to the point he’s ready to get the hell out of titletown. There was a quiet minority of people who liked Eric Stokes and thought he could sneak into the first round, but I had him as the 8th best corner who would be taken at the end of round 2. Combine that with their disaster of a situation with their Hall of Fame quarterback, it could be their worst draft yet.
Well, I feel 10x dumber now that I graded each team’s draft after the first night and before any of these dude’s played a down of football. Who knows, maybe Payton Turner will be the next Bruce Smith. Whatever, have a great Friday everyone. Love you, bye.
The Morning Flush 