THE Conclusive 2023 Bowl Game Rankings

Need advice on what games to watch during bowl season? All of them. You need to watch all of them. However, these rankings will help you decide which to put on the big screen with sound, and which to put on auxiliary screens on mute.

Super Bowls

Obviously, the CFP and NY6 matchups have me we in my nethers for bowl season (except the Fiesta Bowl with shitty Liberty), but the Alamo Bowl is consistently a great matchup, and it will not disappoint this year with an up and coming Arizona team playing an up and down Oklahoma team. The most under the radar game of all bowl season is the UNLV vs Kansas matchup in the Guaranteed Rate bowl. With two high-powered offenses and a couple coaches who deserve a promotion, this game is Guar-an-teed to be a doozy.

A+ Bowls

The Pop Tarts bowl snuck into this this spot only because of the edible mascot whom the winning team will take a bite out of, otherwise, it’s a B tier at best.

The game I’m most looking forward to (biasedly) is the Iowa State vs Memphis game in the Liberty bowl. It’s almost a different sport watching the two teams play with Memphis scoring close to 40 points per game while Iowa State is closer to 26 and leans on their stingy defense. Both of them played in a ton of close games this year–this one shouldn’t be any different.

Bohl Games

I love Barstool as much as the next guy, but this Wyoming team felt like it deserved more than a 3rd Arizona Bowl appearance in 5 years. They won 8 games, were undefeated at home, and their 4 losses were to 3 bowl eligible teams and Texas–all on the road. Hopefully we can end a successful Bohl era with a win before moving the program in a championship-oriented direction.

The Gator bowl will be entertaining. Did Clemson have a bad year? Yes. Is Dabo partially to blame for not adapting to the transfer rules and the NIL world? Also yes. Should he be on the hotseat? You’re fucking high if you think so. Dabo built Clemson into what it is today and has earned the right to have a fuckup in his career. Now, if he continues to neglect the transfer portal and doesn’t galvanize his alumni to start an NIL fund, then we can put his ass in the jackpot. For now, let’s enjoy a matchup against a solid, well-coached Kentucky team. I can’t believe Mark Stoops is about to get passed over for a better opportunity again.

The Myrtle Beach Bowl might not look great on paper, but I’m really high on Ohio this year. They have a P5 win over aforementioned Iowa State, were undefeated at home and have an opportunity to win 10 games. Georgia Southern started off 6-2, but their remaining four losses were to App State, Marshall and a couple teams desperate to get to bowl eligibility. A hungry dog runs faster, so I won’t hold it against them. Clay Helton will have his guys ready to play.

Could be better Bowl Games

The Gasparilla Bowl would be more interesting if UCF were still a G5 team playing with a chip on their shoulder, but it lacks its luster as a middling P5 school. The real question is if this game is big enough for Brent Key and Georgia Tech to show up. They beat Miami on the road, beat UNC when they were ranked 17 in the nation at the time, and had a beautiful cover at home against Georgia, but had headscratching losses to Bowling Green and Boston College. I have mid-level excitement for this game, but it has the potential to be great.

The Duke’s Mayo Bowl would be a lot more fun if Drake Maye were playing, but the surprise season from West Virginia still brings it some appeal. We’ll also get a chance to see Conner Harrell’s first full game as a Tarheel.

Don’t Talk Shit About Bowl Games

These games aren’t great, but mostly because of the underachieving P5 teams playing in them.

The Citrus Bowl is definitely the “best” matchup of the bunch with Iowa and Tennessee, but do you really want to spend 3 hours of your life watching this Iowa offense? Yes, yes you do. Their defense and special teams are elite and Tennessee might score enough points to keep you watching before rolling into playoff games. I’m not saying put it on the big tv with sound, but you gotta have it on a secondary screen.

Another Rutgers bowl game, another trip to the Pinstripe Bowl. They’ve been bowl eligible 6 times in 22 years, and of those 6 games, have played in the Pinstripe bowl in half of them. What a treat for a team from New Jersey to play in Yankee stadium… they’ll play a sullen Miami team who should’ve fired Mario Cristobal months ago, but I guess they’re giving him another year? Makes no sense to me.

Fire the AAC commissioner. What the fuck is SMU doing playing Boston College in the Fenway bowl. This is their reward for winning their conference? Similarly, Tulane lost their coach, their quarterback is hurt, they lost the AAC championship, and they continue to get shit on with a trip to the Military Bowl to play Virginia Tech. The Hoakies had a decent season they can build on, however, this feels like a kick in the dick if I’m a Tulane fan.

I’m most “excited” for the LA bowl of this group. I’m a Chip Kelly fan and have stood on the table for him this year. Hand up, the reason this is a D tier game is because I’m pissed off Boise State limped their way into another Mountain West championship. Their coach gets fired, their leading receiver enters the transfer portal before the end of the season, they have a quarterback controversy, and they still boat raced UNLV in the championship game. Fuck me.

Fuck it, let’s watch these bowls

I’m being too mean to Utah to put them in this list, but I can’t in good conscious put Northwestern higher than here. The Las Vegas bowl between the two might end 9-6.

Who knows what will happen in the Texas Bowl. Oklahoma State was either good or a dumpster fire all year and who knows who is actually playing for A&M? The only game I’m least excited for is the Fiesta Bowl. Oregon had a great season, a Heisman hopeful quarterback, and their repayment is an overrated Liberty team. It’s still a NY6 game, so I guess I’ll have it on, but Oregon is going to dog walk them.

Fuck whoever decided to put Minnesota on our TV, and this is coming from a guy who loves PJ Fleck. Maybe I’m sour because Minnesota was well under their projected win total (I had the over and they were my dark horse to win the B1G west), or maybe because I root for G5 teams and Minnesota is a 5-7 P5 school, but their game against Bowling Green will be a snooze fest. The only hope we have is Minnesota’s QB Athan Kaliakmanis. The Greek freak is an electric factory in the sense every ball he throws feels like it will be a touchdown or an interception. 1/3 of his completions were either in the endzone or to the other team.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Regardless of where these bowl games are on the list, they deserve to be watched. We have 42(!) more CFB games until the end of the season, cherish every one of them. Love you, bye.